Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
a search helicopter?!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
