i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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