why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
