She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
