the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wish my penis had a tongue
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't deserve a penis
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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