Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt

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  (248): yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt http://tfl.nu/91j7
  Replies (11) Good night (1143) Bad night (3160)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.

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  (517) 6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning. http://tfl.nu/t7a0
  Replies (2) Good night (1161) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to

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  (612): I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to http://tfl.nu/s30p
  Replies (154) Good night (3988) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?

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  (978): ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm? http://tfl.nu/7m7e
  Replies (22) Good night (1947) Bad night (4048)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.

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  (760): She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/eh4f
  Replies (30) Good night (7605) Bad night (1170)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"

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  (604): dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too" http://tfl.nu/x15y
  Replies (5) Good night (4099) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.

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  (315): Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now. http://tfl.nu/rvu6
  Replies (10) Good night (4102) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag

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  (+44): according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag http://tfl.nu/idf5
  Replies (34) Good night (1629) Bad night (5232)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  You said your dick dragged you up the stairs

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  (207): You said your dick dragged you up the stairs http://tfl.nu/g6yn
  Replies (3) Good night (3256) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote

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  (216): It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote http://tfl.nu/ew61
  Replies (4) Good night (1483) Bad night (1087)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light

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  (240): To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light http://tfl.nu/8hcx
  Replies (7) Good night (1445) Bad night (1901)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.

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  (315): We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders. http://tfl.nu/ji4s
  Replies (4) Good night (2235) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.

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  (319): Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year. http://tfl.nu/pkn3
  Replies (5) Good night (1826) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?

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  (301): Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke? http://tfl.nu/hphp
  Replies (11) Good night (1075) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales

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  (978): Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales http://tfl.nu/1ec5
  Replies (1) Good night (981) Bad night (523)

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