Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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