She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything