Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize