If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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