I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling