I wanna passion pit in your ass
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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