Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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