if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
