Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
