piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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