All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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