She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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