i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
