Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
