You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
