i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
