i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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