Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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