I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
