Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
