Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
