We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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