i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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