3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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