You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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