I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
