Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
