haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
