and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
