the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think people are normalizing furries
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