just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
