Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
