I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize