I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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