no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
