thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
