if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
