oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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