dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
