3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
