So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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