my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
