Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
