How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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