I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
