I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
