i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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