do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
