I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize