if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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