Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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