I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
