I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
