i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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