The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
