I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
