You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize