do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
