even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
