I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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