why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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