New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
