Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
