it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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